(no subject)

Okay, yeah... more real life thoughts. Well kinda. More thoughts, in general.

I need to be kinder to myself. Stop looking at other people's lives and assume they've got it better than me. It's hard to do that, harder than I thought it would be, it really is.

I need to stop "watching the trainwreck." All those droning posts about people arguing over a piece of lore in video game? Those about people arguing about other people? Even the ones that I agree with. It's hard not to get engaged in that sort of thing, it's hard not to start nodding along to some of the points made. But the more I do it, the more it sucks me in, funneling me into a spiral of negativity and bad thoughts.

I'm not saying I need to be a beacon of positivity or be a "good vibes only" kind of person. I'm not saying I should cover my ears and pretend bad shit don't happen. I'm saying that life--MY life is shitty enough without those things.

One day I'm going to die. It could be tomorrow, it could be next month, it could be a hundred years from now on. I'll never be prepared. I'll never be. And if I continue the cycle of negativity, if I continue to dwell in those hateful thoughts--chances are I'm going to die with those same thoughts infecting my mind. I don't want that.

There are days when I just want to have a good cry over everything. Just quietly bawl my eyes out, let everything pour. But after I'm done crying, I need to remember that life goes on. MY life. It's shitty enough being a college flunk-out with no real future; I don't want a shitty and pessimistic outlook on top of that.